these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
