If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
