i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
