im drinking this country out of the recession.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
