can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
