eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
