My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
