Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
