Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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