I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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