in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
