WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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