don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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