he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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