I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
