I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
