I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
