If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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