opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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