Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
