I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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