Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
