I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we're making bets on your personal life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
