i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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