I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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