He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
