Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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