Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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