doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
