remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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