i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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