The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
