Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
