Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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