So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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