READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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