I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
