'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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