mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
