just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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