what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Two words: blizzard sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
