I wish I could punch you in the face.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
