I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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