Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
