It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize