lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
