i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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