I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
not ubering you a puppy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
