You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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