i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my shit smells like andre
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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