She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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