Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
