Do you still have your period?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He felt like a one man threesome
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
