Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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