She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize