Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
