I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just tell him i said nine months
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
