Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
