i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
