i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
