i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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