If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We are all done wearing pants today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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