you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize