GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
