How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
