Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
