In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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