What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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