Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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