so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
