you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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