You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
